How did it all start?
Well… about 50 billion years ago a million tons of gas and particles started collapsing in upon itself until there was an enormous explo…
Oh wait… wrong story. I’m supposed to be telling you how I chose to go Vienna tomorrow for my 27th birthday.
What?
Ok Ok. It’s not actually my 27th birthday. More like my 35th.
You sticklers for honesty… Whatever! Stop distracting me. I’m trying to tell a story.
So… I was answering a question… how did it all start?
Those of you who know me well, know that I have an uncommon tendency toward doing something “epic”. (Hence the 3 week Surf Safari, the millennium in New York City, my current 4 weeks in Prague, etc.)
So when Cher asked me last week, “What are you going to do for your birthday?” and my only answer was: “I’m not sure.” I was thinking that I might go to the theater. Have a nice meal. Something.
But really, it just didn’t seem right.
I’m in Prague.
I can do pretty much anything.
Why don’t I?
Ok…
Now, one of the things that I had planned to do here in Prague was to go see the Opera.
I’ve never been. And, despite the fact that my idea of culture usually falls somewhere between ‘Transformers’ and ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’, I thought, “Everyone says opera is so great. Maybe I should check it out. Can’t be any worse than most of the films I saw at TIFF this year.”
Because, incidentally, most of the films that I saw this year made me want to poke needles in my eyes and run screaming from the theatre.
Opera’s gotta be better than that.
Especially if it’s world-class opera, right?
So I figure this: I’m a four hour train ride away from the the best opera in the entire world. Why not get a ticket, and go see the Opera for my birthday?!
Sounds easy.
Let’s go for it!!!
But then I recognize ‘Problem #1’: Good god. Do I really want to learn ANOTHER freakin’ language???
If you’ve been following me so far, you’ll know that I had a helluva time in Germany with the Bitte and the Dankeshein… mostly because I’d just learned the Czech Prosim and Dikuji…
I spent two days in Berlin saying the wrong thing and then correcting myself like crazy. And then I spent two more days in Prague adjusting back.
To put it simply… Annoying!!!
So… I was not looking forward to adjusting to yet another language.
So If figure, okay, might as well get some assistance if I’m gonna do this crazy Vienna thing. I asked a friend here to help me with the language.
Me: How do you say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You’ in Austrian?
Him: Very easy. Bitte and Dankeshein
Hmmm…
That’s odd. I recognize those.
Me: How do you say ‘Hello’ and ‘Goodbye’?
Him: Also easy. Guttentag and Auf Wiedersehne
Wait a second?!?!
Now, let me pause for those of you as helmet-headed as I am. Those of you who got it long ago, feel free to laugh openly at my idiocy.
Me: That sounds a lot like German.
Him: It is German. That is the language of Austria. German.
WHAT?
German?
What about Austrian???
Why don’t the Austrians speak Austrian???
Him: You are Canadian, why don’t you speak Canadian?
Good point.
I’m not sure how, I’m not sure why, but for some reason, I had created an entire language for those Austrians to speak: Austrian.
You know what really tripped me up, I think, was that whole historical thing about that crazy dynasty, the Austro-Hungarian Empire?
I mean what the heck did they speak if they didn’t speak Austrian?
Uhhh…. German.
Oh.
Hmm…
I guess I was busy sniffing dry erase markers the day we learned that in school…
So, good news. No more ‘Problem #1’
Let’s move on to ‘Problem #2’
The opera that is plays at the State Opera (the main Vienna Opera aka the Staatsoper) on October 12th, at 7:30 PM is La Boheme.
This, by the way, is both ‘Positive #1 & #2’.
Positive #1: La Boheme is one of the most popular operas of all time – there are tons of synopses, information and even a copy of the libretto on the web so that I can prepare to spend two hours watching a story in a language that I don’t understand. (You’ve all have seen how good I am with foreign languages…)
Positive #2: I actually know the basic story of La Boheme. Thanks mostly to Baz Luhrman’s Moulin Rouge and the play/movie ‘Rent’
However, as I dig further into the Staatsoper website(by the way, Staatspoer is both Austrian and German for “State Opera”) I discover that there is not a single ticket left. Everything, from the €7 tickets without a view (these tickets really exist!) to the front row €175 tickets are long gone.
Hmm.
This is Problem #2.
Wait a second. What about scalpers? I can afford a scalper’s ticket, right? C’mon… it’s my birthday.
I check scalpers websites.
YARCH!
I cannot afford scalper’s tickets.
Not when the prices go from €150 – €450.
No sirree. Especially when you consider that:
- This translates to: $215 – $645 per ticket in Canadian dollars, and
- Like I said, the original price of those seats is €7 – €175
Which basically means that they’re trying to sell crappy €7 tickets for €150.
Now, I’m as capitalist as the next producer, but I draw the line at supporting anyone who’s trying to make a 2000% mark-up.
That. Is. Just. Wrong.
So… Problem #2 is a bit of a stumper.
But fear not, good friends, because fortune favors the brave.
(And apparently fortune also favors those who can scour the internet quickly.)
There is a little something that the Staatsoper doesn’t advertise to whales who pay big bucks to see Opera in Vienna.
The STANDING ROOM ONLY ticket.
Here’s the summary of the fine print.
The day of any show at the Staatsoper, they sell Standing Room Only tickets called the Stehplatze. They are dirt cheap. And there are a TON of them. 567 to be exact. The first 160 seats are located in the Parterre, which is at the back of the ORCHETRA level. That’s right. ON THE GROUND FLOOR. Apparently the view and the acoustics are phenomenal. And, as my new internet best friend “smr06” from Philly, posted on the Trip Adviser website. says:
“If you get a good spot, you have a railing to lean on, so that makes it easier… Honestly the opera has you so engrossed that you forget that you are standing the whole time.”
Wait a second!
Do I want to stand up for an Opera, in a language I don’t understand, for a whole 2 ½ hours? I am I going to be able to enjoy that?
Damned right I am!
I once stood for 4 hours to see Long Day’s Journey into Night on Broadway. And I would do it again in a second, despite the discomfort. That night was one of the best pieces of theatre I’ve ever seen in my life. The cast? Just Brian Dennehey, Vanessa Redgrave, Robert Sean Leonard and Philip Seymour Hoffman. You know… no one that great.
It was devastatingly wonderful. The show won a ton of Tonys. Because it was that good.
And… like I said… I’d stand for 4 hours to see it again.
So two and a half hours.
Piece o’ cake.
My old friend smr06 even had a few more tips:
Tip #1. The side door on the Operngasse side, leads you into the ticket window. Though the window opens 80 minutes before the show, the door is opened almost 3 hours before. I got there at 4:30, and was #50 in line. It is very comfortable there – warm (it was a bit nippy ‘n breezy that day), with restrooms. Everyone pretty much was sitting on the floor – reading, writing postcards, having coffee, talking – the time does fly by.
Tip #2. The Praterre seats are a bit more expensive – €3.50 instead of €2 – but if you have a choice take that, and head straight into the opera house. The gate keeper (avery helpful and likable man) will guide you.
Tip #3. Line up there and within a few minutes they will let you in. Go straight in and find a spot and MARK IT WITH A SCARF (or something similar). After that you have an hour to walk around, get food , sit etc.
It certainly is a very enjoyable evening. The Praterre is directly under the Emperor’s Box -a great view. I had dressed up a bit- but a lot of toursits were in jeans etc. Each to its own.
So there it is, Problem #2 solved.
I’m going to stand in line for a standing room only ticket. Problem #2 solved.
Problems #3 & #4 were much easier to deal with.
Problem #3 – Get a train ticket and
Problem #4 – Get a hotel room.
After about a half hour surfing the web and a walk to the train station, they were done and done.
And, as long as I don’t encounter Problem #5 — My alarm clock doesn’t wake me up…
I am off to Vienna!!!